In my life recently I've found that I feel like I always have a lump in my throat and that I'm always hesitating, always denying myself of anything positive indirectly.
I could never quite understand, and seeing other people always made me brim with envy, or generated so much insecurity in me. Whenever anyone seemed better than me at something, I never knew why, but I would get so defensive, I would get protective, I wouldn't feel safe.
Even when it came to my best friend, work, family, friends, anything...
It felt like I was being trapped in a vicious cycle.
And there's one book that was recommended to me.
At first, I was defensive, "there's no way this crap applies to me". "I always try to think of others". "Why did they recommend this?" "Am I selfish?"
It's good sometimes to realise when you're talking and when you're super-ego is talking, and my super-ego was in full drive, but I chilled out and tried to read it.
It surprised me how much of the book applied to me and how much of my layers, defences it was laying bare. I feel a bit naked, like a new born baby without any type of way to protect itself.
And I'm still reading the book, but the point I wanted to make, that there is one thing this book is teaching me.
To Accept and Love Myself, both my strengths and my weaknesses.
To Allow me to have fun and start living life.